Does This Look Like a Needle to You?
Tyler Tran, MSW, ACSW, of the OCD Center of Los Angeles, shares his personal experience navigating contamination OCD, the weight of cultural shame and stigma, and acceptance in a community where mental health is typically misunderstood.
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I vividly remember being dragged out of the shower when I was 19 years old by my stepdad as I screamed at him to let me finish cleansing my body. I begged and pleaded as I assured him my body was contaminated. I could still feel the grime and germs across my body as I desperately scrubbed myself down. I was scratching and cutting my skin up due to my fear of being “contaminated.” If my father had not pulled me out, I was sure to have stayed another hour or so perfecting my shower routine to cleanse my body of being “contaminated.”
My life with this disorder has been an arduous, painful, long, and lonely journey. I felt trapped in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions that seemed foreign to others; not even my loved ones and family members could comprehend the shame, guilt, and pain I experienced. The stigma I suffered as an Asian American male struggling with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), made it all the more difficult to seek treatment and help. I’ve felt trapped in a cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that I couldn’t explain to anyone—not even my closest family members. The stigma surrounding mental health in Asian American communities, especially for men, has made it all the more difficult to seek help.